CCJ 10-6785 : 03/16/2010:hand printed in blue ink on notebook paper, 2x lines per space, notes n margin
03/17/2010 CCJ 10-6785 “isolation” rafael says at the CMA on the 28th i’ll be offered a plea guilty probably drop a charge and get out w/ parole. if i stay in until april 19, got to court, i can fight the charges, prove i’m INNOCENT or if i’m guilty then i get two years. so i’ll try calling Megan see what’s up with brady. dont eat yesterday. get some sleep yesterday and cant sleep last night cos of thinking about the CMA. i’m eating lunch today. just no appetite. rather be light headed. visualizing playing my guitar off the edge of my bed. i pull the blanket over my head and leave the door open. i dont care. must look really weird. i get the little click of guys in room 12 to cover for me. i leave the my tray of food and sit in there during meals so i dont piss off the deputy. it’s amazing how valuable your food is in here. i dont have any dreams last night. it means something. i’m remembering an affirmation a day. keep them on a list. read it all night. practice “forced smiling” when i have the blanket over my head. talk about looking weird. i have clinic today. finger looks healing. cant bend it. real puffed out. top layer of skin peels off. i’m running hot water over it to expand it and cold water to contract it. color’s coming back. change the band-aides 2x a day. may be outdoor recreation today. depends on the weather. i’ve got a 12 bar “symphony” in the works. i think of small interesting parts to add every now and then. it’s actually 144 bars long. i dont know if i can finish it w/o a guitar, piano or sheet music. maybe a multi-track but i can rough it out for now. i’m gonna see about sleeping the day away after clinic. sit up all night while it’s quiet. rafael shows me how to play the card game “casino.” he learned it in jail last time he was here in november. nobody up yet. just rick, tony and the new guy frank. everyone else eats and goes back to bed. it must be the cooking. i just want to get super light headed and practice guitar all day. deputies are in good spirits this morning. i may even take a dump. i found the book “pancho ville” in espanoel. i’m gonna take in the read n’ work on the language. my celly rafael talks all the time. he’s 23yo, misses his wife n’ 2x kids. makes lots of money doing labor, smokes oxycontin, has a girlfriend, not going in military cos of a felony, a lover not a fighter and a high-school GED is good enough. heh, where have i heard this before. i get to lay around alot today. it’s a lockdown day so the deputy can attend domestic violence seminar cos of the cop that shot his wife, her two frinds, then himself. one of those horses get out so let’s close the door. one of the new kid celly’s shawn newton sits across from me says i looked familiar. i remember him from me and mookie playing guitar at pioneer square. all he talks about is skateboard wrecks and oxycontin. he’s got $275 on his books if that counts for anything. he’s getting out in a couple days w/ a home monitoring system for a parole violation. get another celly tonight making the block full again. it’s supposed to be full down stairs. see big billy in the clinic. his back is doing great. he’s gonna finish 12 months in jail here and go off to prison for stolen vehicle and two guns, “allegedly.” spend time helping rafael focus on the positive future instead of dwelling on the mistakes in the past. mostly cos he wont keep quiet and leave me to write my song. seems like helping people w/ that’s why i’m here.
picture description: English: Cells in Alcatraz Island
Italiano: Celle ad Alcatraz
Source Own work
entry name: “isolation”
entry date: Monday, May 6, 2013 10:35 AM
entry description: journal while in jail
© 2013 Nathan Brydn. MADE IN USA. All rights reserved worldwide.